Bowling for Boo—ys

So last week SOD was Bowling for Breast Cancer…which apparently turned into speaking to Boys! Who knew men wanted to “save boobs”?:P

Anywho, the evening was fun. At one point, I was standing at our lane when this guy started talking to me, MJ Bowl. To be honest, I truly forget what about!  Perhaps I was caught up in how to respond to Michhottie’s random text. LAME SOD!  So, ya…this guy…MJ Bowl (he told me he worked for Medical Marijuana…eh not exactly!) he was totally a smooth talker, typical jewish dude name…you know, last name somethin’ ending in a berg. Our convo didn’t get too far (mostly because he got called to bowl and I went wandering around), but he did drop some info on a Shabbat event last Friday. Unfortunately, I had a friends b’day din etc, so couldn’t go, but I decided I would step up and shoot him a note on the infamous Facebook. Turns out we exchanged several emails and then he “added” me…oh I just get chills just thinking about that. Ha!

So ya, seems super nice and turns out MJ Bowl went to the same SMALL private school SOD’s little brother went to. He’s on work travel for two weeks, but I sent him another note asking the name of the Shabbat location and throughout the exchanges, he told me to come by his place where his friends all come before the “next” one on March 12th…

 

Stay tuned…in the interim, let’s get high!

I mean if you aren’t really interested…why respond???

Right. I often ponder this question (ALL THE TIME). I know I sound incredibly lame, but it crosses my mind far too often. Why I think about it, I’m not sure??? I clearly have a problem with obsessing and attachment to men that “just aren’t that into me,” but that said, if that’s the case, why bother responding to me?

For instance…I feel like if I was to reach out to BlueEyes he’d respond…like if you aren’t a player BE, which you always claimed you weren’t, why respond to a text? Or similarly, Michhottie…like “dinner and drinks would be great, I’ve just been slammed with work!”  Ok really?! So you are interested in being friends? Dat’s kewl and all, but like really? Perhaps these are all “NICE” guys who just want to let me down easily but having me assume? Or they have no game and are…just in need of ego boosting.

Which leads me to my next thought…I know if I ever texted NarcissistX, he wouldn’t respond only because I did it stupidly drunk a few weeks back just like I’m sorry for writing off your mom but she needs to forget as you have…hopefully you follow? WHATEVER!  He didn”t respond because he’s beyond over it (as am I)…so then why do other guys that don’t want me respond….is it only to boost their ego? I just am so confused why pay me the time of day if you really are just not into me…

Ahh just love READING into stuff and OVERANALYZING…I wish I could just drop these thoughts, it’s like I’m an investigator and I’m working hard to figure out WHY. When we all know there isn’t a WHY, but I can’t seem to convince myself of such. HELP!

ICK!

Gosh, two years ago?!? I went to a friend and her fiance at the times (husband now) apt to watch a college football game vs. the Oregon Ducks. One of her cousins was there, QuackAttack. I like this name for him, because he is a nut and always attacks me! Anyway, he had some girl there, she was Asian, nice, a tad odd to say the least. BUT honestly he’s not attractive and odd himself so, whatever I didn’t really pay mind to it.

Fast forward a year later, my friend is getting married and at her bridal shower I meet her Aunt who tells me she wants me to meet her bro in law…insert: QuackAttack. EEEEEEEEEEEEESSH. SOD: Oh ya, him, I know him…thanks, but I’m actually seeing someone-phew (and I was sorta, BlueEyes)!

Then last summer the wedding rolls around and the Aunt introduces me to him, eventhough we’ve met! I’m just NOT into him. I’m sorry, but physically you have to have some attraction, plus he’s a douche just in his physical prescense…does that make sense? Anyway, of course he adds me on Facebook that week with some comment “Hey SOD, it’s QuackAttack. We met at the wedding and you should add me and we can get drinks.”  HOLD UP…You should add me? DENIED. Ya, I ignored that shit! Can we say aggressive and not worthy of such ego?! Plus, I dropped this guy I’m seeing like 100 times in the convo when we were talking at the wedding!

So, last night I go to my friend’s girl cousins b’day party and guess who is there…QuackAttack. Who acts like he doesn’t know me and re-introduces himself, hello like 5th time. Like, sorry but you are too hedious to forget and don’t act like I should be interested in you! Such a turn off. I don’t know how else to explain that I don’t really care for you other than to say “FUCK OFF!” which I don’t have the heart to. So I tried to be nice while my friend stood there and re-explained ya we all met at the apt when we watched the game and you dated that crazy Asian chick…yessssssssssssssssssssss.

Well, everytime he speaks the kid touches my waist or puts his arm around me or something and I’m like woah buddy…back OFF!

TIME OUT: Imagine this… QuackAttack: SOD height. Strawberry blond hair/brows. Belly. Pudgy. THICK Glasses. Round Face. Receded line. Obnox voice. Do you want me to go on? I understand its NOT all about looks, but when you are aggressive and I clearly send signals to back off…back OFF!

So, fast forward to the end of the night. He’s no where in sight. THANK GD. SOD was NOT feeling it and frusterated at best. I decide to leave…no wonder he is no where in sight because I walk out the door and he’s standing outside with the smokers, don’t believe he was actually smoking and even better he’s not looking when I spot him. So…I bolt…LMAO:). Next thing, Lauren, wait!  FML…I turn around flail my purse in the air and make a goofy face like FUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCK OFF dude. And then run into the subway. Time out…did that just happen? YEP! Ya, I can’t believe I ran into the subway, considering I don’t make it a habit to ever take it home drunk…but I just so wanted to be removed from QuackAttack. Luckily…he did NOT follow me in. Luckily…I didn’t have a nightmere about him. Hopefully…I don’t have to blog about him again. He scares me!!!!

Time ticks

yoooooooooooooooo!

 

So, I realized it has now been about 1.5 months since I’ve communicated in anyway with NarcissistX minus the run in and text exchange after. Sigh. I wish I hadn’t made contact and just run like hell. I def was not looking my best…let’s be honest…you ALWAYS want to look your best when you run into that dreaded X!

I don’t consider that “communication” as counting in this timeframe because it consisted of me emailing him that since after being mugged he never responded with his number I only had his email to say good seeing you, so he texted back “nice seeing you today too.” Nothing more, so apparently now I could have his digits (to be honest they are ingrained in my brain though…maybe I just wanted attention OH WELL). I now have his number in my phone. Have I used it? NOPE.

I think now it’s the awkward phase, where if I did IM or vice versa it would be weird. Like, hello, we both know that we are now over it. I just try not to think that way though.

He really sucks at life! I know he can see my gchat status’ etc and in recent months upon losing my job and having him help a little with that in terms of support and then getting mugged and my recent bloating issues, he’s not at all seemed interested in saying something…he totally sees my status’!!!! I’m not giving him credit! Sorry, but he lost his sensitivity chip.

He had said he’d let me know if he got a job he was interviewing for and he didn’t (I know because he told me during our “run-in”). AND I just found out on FB that a mutual friend we had from college/grad school (for him) got engaged…ON FACEBOOK I find out. I’d love to think that kid will invite NarcissistX to the wedding and not me, despite NarcissistX being a total A-hole to him! WHATEVER, one less wedding to attend I suppose!

So, here’s my question now: Do you think I ever enter his mind now that hes fully blocked me from his system? Like when Larry Page spoke at the UM 09 graduation of his 10 year old gf do you think he thought of SOD and how she worked at Larry’s company, or my graduation or anything or the moments at Michigan I shared with him? I donno kinda makes me wonder. DO people just forget???

I think that’s really and truly what’s hardest about breaking up…the friendship and bond you share with someone. You don’t ever really want to forget it when its formed so deep, maybe you do though? I know there will be another, but you just wonder if it’s possible sometimes since there hasn’t been.

I guess, you can only hope that people take the best memories you create with them and of you on their journey through life…tick tick tick.

I can’t put it down!

So there are no new guy sagas, though in recent days, two NEWER set-up situations may have arisen; one being my mama (from someone in her ‘game’ group) and another being a good friend who “thinks she may have someone to set me up with” I always appreciate that…but the anticipation kills me.

Anyway, I started reading this inestimable book. I can’t put it down! ha!

The whole jist is a discussion by this woman who is a dating coach who gave “exit interviews” to all of the gals she works with, their dates, to find out what they could provide in terms of insight into “why the dates don’t progress to a second date”, totally anonymous (unless they wanted to be reco’d). Regardless, if I actually want a second date or not with a guy, doesn’t matter to me, this book is just very interesting!

Example she uses which is hilarious: You can imagine rejecting a dude after a first date for having serious Halitosis (bad breath LOL) ewwww. But if you discovered on the 5th date he had this, but had simply used a breath mint and had already gotten to know him maybe you would think differently esp if he had other redeeming qualities.

Smart dating is about gathering useful information and using it to your advantage.

Hmmm now, I just need a date to start putting some of this awesome information I’m learning to use…This book after just 1 chapter has also made me realize that I’m kinda sick of thinking about these dudes I’ve been talking about…they are boring and totally not worth my time both from a blogging or general thought process…ya I’m eating my own words. Just call me SOHD, ShineonHYPOCRITEdiamond. Gimme a day…I’ll be back…be yet…maybe a couple of hours. Sometimes I’m so pathetic.

I wish I actually accepted a simple compliment such as “my mom says you are beautiful” from an old friends mom who saw a recent pic of me. I don’t even care, I don’t think I’m beautiful. And I think on that note, I should go read some more of this book!

in·es·ti·ma·ble

So, I learned a new word the other day…that which is the title of this entry. What does it mean?

Pronunciation: \(ˌ)i-ˈnes-tə-mə-bəl\
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English, from Middle French, from Latin inaestimabilis, from in- + aestimabilis estimable
Date: 14th century
1 : incapable of being estimated or computed <storms caused inestimable damage>
2 : too valuable or excellent to be measured or appreciated <has performed an inestimable service for his country>
— in·es·ti·ma·bly  \-blē\ adverb

You see, I first learned of this word when my dad used it in an email to me the other day.  Further reiteration to myself of where I get my sense of humor and sharp witt (my dad) in understanding the true meaning of the context in which he used this word… ha! So, as SOD clearly focus’ on men and relationships, this is all too apropro (*not a typical father/daughter discussion). You see in this email my dad sent, he stated that he was sending me a package, “It may be of inestimable value to you.”  Oh boy, whatever could this be!???!! (note: I LOVE SUPRISE GIFTS!)

Well folks…I’ve got mail! SCORE…actually it was a box, whatever! So, this gift is in fact estimable because it had a receipt! LOL. BUT, the idea behind it was just genious and clearly ‘inestimable’ (typical SOD Dad style). Apparently, my dad also has ESP (*rewind to comment about SOD’s focus)…what was this inestimable gift exactly?

A book entitled: Why He Didn’t Call You Back: 1,000 Guys Reveal What They Really Thought About You After Your Date by Rachel Greenwald

LMAO!  I can’t wait to read this….in·es·ti·ma·ble!

Twitter is for the birds…

So in this game of dating, thanks to the internet, we find it super easy to find out everything possible, which includes but is NOT limited to: before, during, and sadly after the fact of dating a guy. OY!

Come on, who has not “stalked” a dude after things don’t work out? Like even in the least possible way. No matter who ends it, we are all ALL guilty! It fits, you can’t aquit. I mean, I’ve definitely had a guy Facebook friend me after it was decided he couldn’t commit…it works both ways. Like ok? You really want to follow my life now after you decided you couldn’t be with me? Hence why I’ve never accepted someone like NarcissistX’s Facebook friend request. I also admittently don’t want to see pics of him and his 10 year old lame gf. I sound bitter, maybe I am! Then you have someone like BlueEyes who used to send me random hints of “Hey, great profile pic!” upon friending me as soon as I called him out for some type of “relationship” interest. AWESOME…that translates to ??? Which brings me to BienvenidosaMiami who said to me the other night over IM of course, “Just don’t analyze too much!” WELL SHIT, now we are up a creek, aren’t we SOD…what have I just done in this entire last paragraph?! Analyze.

Anywho, this brings me to Twitter. I can’t fathom joining this thing at this time in my life. Did you know you can find anyone on it basically just by searching online? I’d have to imagine you can block yourself from a public search…I’m not sure. No names mentioned, as per usual, but I found a Twitter feed of an X’s now gf and reading her thoughts, confirmed in my mind that he is truly an immature imbicile for dating this chick. That’s all I have to say. For now, I continue to enjoy my anonymity!  Plus, it leaves something for everyone in the world to wonder…kinda like my Facebook status which neither confirms nor disproves that I’m single. It ain’t your biznass! Tweet Tweet.

Happy 3 week anniversary my dear blog…

Yep, ShineonDiamond has now been blogging for 3 weeks!  I’m also happy to report I’ve also “cleansed” for three weeks too. By “cleansed” I mean the following: not letting negative energy from the past intrude on my life, eh. Well that’s not totally true, so I guess in all fairness, to be most specific–I haven’t communicated in any way with NarcissistX in this time. It’s kinda weird, but kinda NOT.

I recently heard this song. It’s a bit…as my brother would say “gay” (DON’T take offense to that word) but I’m a lyrics gal. SO, Here’s some of the lyrics which I really like:

Take a look around
Without looking down
All these things
Have blurred your vision
Material Things don’t amount to nothing

But I know how you feel
It’s hard to see whats real

It takes time
Living in a world
when you don’t know who to trust
It takes time
Slow it down and
You’ll feel you don’t have to rush
It’ll be fine
It takes time
It takes time
To love

-Trey-Z (never heard of the dude, but hey, it’s plagerism if I don’t cite him)

Approaching 5 years…Where has time gone?

I first met Black Cupcake (sorry, but two things she loves–black coffee and cupcakes=perfect name!). Anyway, I met her completely blindly by responding to her ad on Craigslist when I first moved to NYC and it seemed to work that we could live together. If only all relationships were so easy! You like me, I like you, here’s a deposit, let’s do this! Then again, we did “break up” a year later which was for the better…and she’s also a girl (I swing one way…always have and always will).

Anyway, pathetically I’ve seen her only a handful of times since we moved out, but she’s still someone that will forever be my “Black Cupcake.” So cut to the chase SOD, Black Cupcake just returned from her honeymoon…amazing! I am so beyond happy for her, she found love…on a speed date! Like I think in all honesty that is just FATE. Perhaps she’d agree with me? She really is so fortunate and lucky to have met such a great guy in such a different way. Though what’s different in this generation!? Mazel Tov Black Cupcake:)

BC actually was with me for a lot of my shit with NarcissistX, she’s a perfect person to tell you that I needed to move on and that it’s good I’ve cleared my head. I guess the purpose of this whole entry is seeing her tonight gave me newfound hope that love exists out there in so many ways. And it made me feel good to see her like I’ve never seen her before too. I hope that in 5 more years she could write something similar to what I just said “feels good to see her like I’ve never seen her before.”

It’s just what Boredom does…

I feel like I’m mind fucking myself…really, like A-L-L ALLL the time, 24/7. 

Like it relates to my last post, but why am I thinking about the last “cab” that picked me up…hello NEXT! Dad’s analogy “In Manhattan SOD, Men are like cabs, you miss one…you catch another–next!” Seriously, why are we so prone to doting on the past?  I mean it makes sense when there’s no closure, but …why talk about it!!! I’m beyond guilty, sometimes it’s good shoot the shit material, I suppose. Other times, I have no problem saying I haven’t let it go.

But I also feel like no one wants to hear it either. Hence why I’m blogging. I guess I let my mind wander in a fantasy, I’m not sure. I also realize that we do things in life to fill various voids we have. I’m starting to feel like I have a massive void and I’m doing things to destroy myself over this VOID. Which is terrible! Boredom is not something I suffer from tangibly, I’m beyond busy, but I think my busy-ness equates to a general boredom of no self-fulfilling relationship. First with myself, second with a man (DUH I KNOW THIS!). I think I’m bored with myself though…doesn’t mean I want to change who I am, just I’m not sure what I’m supposed to change to make some guy be attracted to me.  Does any of this even make sense?